Natalie's Notes

Recently
The skyline of downtown San Francisco visible, framed by a sunlit rock and the hillside. Taken from Corona Heights
Good rocks

On March 28, my step mother, Amy, passed. I’ve been back in San Francisco with family since March 13. The pace of life has been slow, death even more so. I’m keeping myself surrounded by community, family, and dogs.

It’s cliche to say, but death gives perspective, and I’ve been appreciating having it. I’ve been spending time with friends, savoring sunsets, finding the best rocks to watch the dusk from, slowly eating my burritos.

Music

  • Lots of Cassandra Jenkins, especially An Overview on Phenomenal Nature. Jenkins’ music has been a soundtrack and a guide to grief for me. An Overview the first period, My Light, My Destroyer a how-to in picking up the pieces and returning to life as normal while holding on to the memories
  • Courtney Barnett’s new record Creature of Habit
  • Path of Totality by The Montvales
  • Hours and hours of underscores’ U, because metered hedonism has its place in grief

Music has been a both a reprieve and a place for feeling things. Thanks, music.

Puppies

Canelo and Cookie both looking at the camera outside a cafe
Noe Valley Bakery

The dogs have been extra sweet. I’m really thankful to have both of them as companions, especially right now. Cookie especially has been by my side all the time. I give her the option of sleeping in her crate or on the bed with me, and she often choses the bed. I make her a pillow fort, but she snuggles up next to me most nights.

Cookie splayed out on the bed getting belly scratches
The ink is new.

Tattoos

In memory of my step mom, I got a small goldfish cracker tattoo. Ask me about the story behind it some time. I also finally got the Muni worm, which I’ve been wanting for a long time. Of course, the “wants” part of the tattoo list grows faster than the “have” parts. Anne (flip flop) at Mirage in SF did both and was wonderful.

Reading

I’m reading Tony Horwitz’ Confederates in the Attic for school. It’s a fascinating narrative look into the lost causism and how it continues to manifest in southern ideology and culture. Such foreign stuff to me. Also reading Seeing Like a State by James C. Scott, and For Now, It Is Night by Hari Krishna Kaul.

I’m also reading up on the Kotlin language as I attempt to teach it to myself.

— 18:29